I wonder if I send out an unspoken invitation for friends to give me unsolicited advice, because I’ve received some pretty direct advice from a few of my well-intentioned friends.
My first thought is…they must believe that they know what’s best for me, based upon their own wisdom and experience, which makes them confident that, because they know me, whatever they advise me to do will be to my benefit.
Should I meekly accept their advice and do as they suggest, even if I haven’t come to their same conclusions about what might be best for me?
Will I make my friends happy if I take their advice?
On the other hand, I wonder…why would a friend tell me what to do, when, from my perspective, they don’t appear to be taking positive action toward improving their own quality of life, and frequently complain about their circumstances, which don’t appear to be improving. Could this be the human condition…a merry-go-round for stuck people who tell each other what to do and then never do anything?
I can only conclude that I’ve created an expectation in those who know me that I will act a certain way or continue on a certain path, producing familiar results based upon my past behavior. And if I don’t, my friends are comfortable offering their loving support by giving me feedback on my deficiencies so that I’ll behave as they expect and return to the familiar path.
Of course, those expectations are created from learned behavior, past experiences, and society’s expectations of what success looks like.
And, if I don’t behave as expected, I may create a surprised response when my trajectory veers off into unknown territory. (Hmmm…a part of myself really likes that idea, but the other part of me knows that I won’t do something just to create a surprised response.)
This is why we shouldn’t tell anyone what to do — ever…
In the future, I’ll stop myself from speaking when I become aware that I’m about to offer unsolicited advice, no matter how well-intentioned and loving. I’ll remind myself that it is my opinion and I really have no idea what it’s like to live in the other person’s shoes.
Of course, if someone asks for my opinion…I’ll gently give my impressions, feedback, ideas, and offer support which (in my opinion), will help them solve personal issues and break free from challenging patterns or behavior.
This subject becomes more complex when we consider that because of predestination, we must be conscious that “there is a greater plan of which we are a part, and regardless of belief, that plan includes decision-making that we previously believed was of free will.”*
*”Not What We Appear To Be: New Perspectives For Conscious Living“